Big Fish (3:44)
Jenny Washington (1:53)
Greatest Man in America (Live) (3:08)
Ash Hash (2:10)
I Love My Boss (3:04)
Gord's Gold (0:59)
Johnny Saucep'n (1:26)
The Ballad of Cedric Früvous (2:39)
The Kids' Song (Live) (2:39)
(Dave) As a young boy Michael helped his mother cook, Down by her apron strings the whole day long. Knife in hand, her eyes trained on the recipe book He'd salivate as she sang out this song: (funny old woman's voice) Cut the onions, start the dicing. Listen up Mike, it's the right thing. Chop the parsnip for a rich dish In the small pond you'll be a big fish. In the small pond you'll be a big fish. (Mike) When in college our lad made some special friends, Kept him from subversives and their kind. Swirled within a world of sports and dividends. And the song they sang was etched upon his mind: (All) Cut the hair off the hippy sleeping. Listen up Mike, it's the right thing. Chop the fringes off the freakish. In the small pond you'll be a big fish. In the small pond you'll be a big fish. (Murray) Thirty-five, a burning drive possessed him To be the greatest golfer in North Bay. Sometimes a fear of failure near obsessed him. But then he'd hear the other golfer's say: (funny deep voice) Cut the motion on your back swing. Listen up Mike, it's the right thing. Chop the golf ball with a big swish. In the small pond you'll be a big fish. In the small pond you'll be a big fish. (Jian) Now he's breaking bread with heads of industry. The captain in the autumn of his years. He proceeds with Messianical rabidity. When he echoes mother's words he hears the cheers: (All) Cut the welfare, and public housing. Listen up Mike, it's the right thing. Chop the health-care, you'll get your wish. In the small pond you'll be a big fish Cut the child-care and the schooling. Listen up Mike, it's the right-wing. Chop the free-lunch for the poorish. In the small pond you'll be a big fish. In the small pond you'll be a big fish. In the small pond you'll be a big fish. From the Liner: 1996 - We have a brand new ultra right-wing premier of ontario, but only fools would believe that our loving leader actually revels in the pain, misery, and economic disparity that comes as a product of his neo-conservative policies. Mike is simply doing the 'right thing'.
(Dave on lead) It's ten-til-two and I've not a thing to do. How can I get my picks of human zoo? A daily treat full of lies and deceit. My pleasure's begun with Jenny Washington. Cause dad's from Mars and baby likes porno flicks. Mom hates the blacks and junior's turning tricks. There's therapy for my whole family Each weekday at one on Jenny Washington. (All) Consistently number one, it's Jenny Washington For three years in a row, the highest rated show She's sexy and sensitive. She's showing us how we live. Remember it's one for fun, Jenny Washington! (Dave) Sibling lust and doctors on angel dust. Arsonist kids and crooks they couldn't bust. Nazi teens they say it's in the genes. There's plenty of fun in degradation. A pleasure cruise on an ocean of hot issues. Get people to fight and serve it up as news. Talk is cheap except when it goes -BLEEP-. The nun with the gun, Jenny Washington. (All) Cause it's the new number one, it's Jenny Washington. She puts the "f" in fuss, she puts the "u" is us. She's sexy and sensitive. She's showing us how we live. Remember it's one for fun, Jenny Washington! From the Liner: (1996) "You people of Earth are Idiots" -Plan 9 from Outer Space
(Murray) Ditto.. (Jian) Ditto... (Dave) Ditto.... (Mike) Ditto..... (All) Coming from Canada, we love those leaders who pesonify the US way to be, There was JFK, and LBJ, and WKRP. But of all of these there is not one to rival the greatest genius of them all He's a megalo with a healthy glow He's the man called Rush Limbaugh. (Mike) He's a dose of P.T. Barnum (Murray) With a Mussolini twist. (All) There in the limosine, parked on the lawn, He's a goofy Gengis Khan. Not since Jesus Christ has the world seen someone With such widely sindicated views Hundreds of years from now they'll celebrate Rush-mas And Rush-ashana for the Jews. 'Cause he'll pull the plug on femi-nazis, paranoid minorities and gays. He's a burning bush with a network push, Sure to start a country-wide blaze. (Mike) He taught me to love and praise Charlton Heston (Murray) Oliver North is quite a nice man too. (All) Forget Al and Tipper Let's bring back the Gipper And Joe McCarthy too! (Mike) I was a troubled soul, consumed by voices advocating special interest groups and vice 'Till Rush rushed to my sweet rescue Now I'll never ever hafta think twice. (All) Never ever hafta think twice... (All) So we'll sign a check for Limbaugh-ism Restore the moral fundamental core We'll cut the debt, And start a Tet Offensive on the poor. It's a blitzkrieg in the making, It's distinctly upper-class (well, not everybody!) Yes sir I'll get the door Roll the carpet on the floor For a man... For a man... For a man... Such a man... For a man.... With his head up his- Ditto! Ditto! Ditto! Ditto! (All) Ask us the name the name of the King - It's Rush! From the Liner: 1994- We wrote this tribute upon being unable to escape this mega-media master on our first US tour in early '94. His borderless omnipresence is underscored by recent cathode-ray incursions into Canada. Amen.
(As recorded on West Virginia Public Radio's MOUNTAIN STAGE + distributed by P.R.I. Public Radio International. Radio recording produced by Larry Groce + Andy Ridenour; Associate Producer, Linda McSparin; Engineered by Francis Fisher, Jim Burrows + Dave McClanahan. Special Thanks to Blue Plate Music.)
(All) Now, if all that ash used to be hash What the heck time is it now? Last thing I remember I was looking at my stash Just before the late late show Then we threw a couple movies in the VCR And I remember driving Buddy home in the car Well, we got not gas so we couldn't have got far... What the heck time is it now? (Jian) Oh, my weary and aching head (Murray) You know, I gotta get some thinking done (All) I can't remember where I put the bed... (Dave) I ain't moved it since '71 (Jian) I got a real funny feeling I'm about to fall down I hope I find my way to the ground I hate to spend the whole night floating around In the condition I'm in. (Dave) First thing in the morning I'm giving myself a break You kind of get an early warning when you're fingernails and eyelids ache Well, it might be closer to the afternoon But the big point is, I'm gonna do it soon (All) There ain't nothing underneath this moon Will ever make me toke another take! ...But what's that on the table? Why, it looks like a little chunk I bet old Petey dropped that there He always was a drunk Well, it looks so good just sitting there I believe what I need is a bite of the hair Doggone stuff is like a breath of fresh air Think I'm gonna sell the farm (and buy more) Think I'm gonna sell the farm (find the door) Think I'm gonna sell the farm. From the Liner: With ultimate deference and respect to Mr. Snider, we've appropriated and adopted this song since first performing our version at a tribute to him in '94. It has recently been suggested that we cunningly utilize the live performance of the piece to regularly "score some boo". That hadn't occured to us.
(Published by peermusic Canada Inc./Chatterbox Music).
(Alternate lyrics available)(Jian on lead) He can't stand a loss He's always cross His name is Ross... my [boss] I love my boss I love my boss He isn't full of fluff and gloss He gives me work and many chores to do My model, like Ben Cartwright to Hoss And though he pays me minimum wage It's all I deserve at this stage Some union hack said I should ask for more I answered with suitable rage I love my boss I love my boss I love my boss I love my boss One day I came to work too late I'd had a Früvous luncheon date My boss he summoned me to speak with him I sweated, awaiting my fate He said "you're done!" He chased me two blocks with a gun But my dear boss let me apologize In hindsite, there wasn't a gun. (Mike) He's going out now with my sister They go real heavy on the sauce I'd like to tell him watch out mister But he's the boss My friends they say that I am clinging Ask why I'm carrying this cross Who knows what club-med will be bringing From dear old boss (spoken by Jian) Examples (All) Bosses through the ages prove They're the ones who make it move Bewitched would have an empty plate If it weren't for Larry Tate Clark Kent reached the highest height With the help of Perry White And if we may be retrograde Speak the name Reuben Kincaid (Jian) Now the other workers all say "Wow!" When I roll over and I shake a paw My boss is my brother-in-law (All) I love my boss I love my boss I love my boss I love my boss From the Liner: 1990- Whistle while you work.
(Mike, doing a Gordon Lightfoot voice) She had that disposition Sent all the boys a wishin' As we trickled down the coast of Peggy's hide-a-way. We loaded up the cube vans, The days were steeped in Ray-Bans That reflected love's embrace from which I shyed away. And I wouldn't know her ass from a deep hole in the ground, Lined with bushes and a fence that the neighbors placed around; Make a child with me. From the Liner: 1993- There's nothing like a good ol' folk song.
(Recorded by Micheal Koppleman, July '95 at Reaction Studios, Toronto).
(All) Well he was just some Johnny Saucep'n when he walked into that kitchen And the chef picked up the order and put down his Solzhenitysen He said "make yourself at home, boy, I just prewarmed all the griddles Ya got 20 minutes, starting now, to make some gourmet vittles" Basil endive parmesan shrimp live Lobster hamster worchester muenster Caviar radicchio snow pea scampi Roquefort meat squirt blue beef red alert Pork hocs side flank cantaloupe sheep shanks Provolone flatbread goat's head soup Gruyere cheese angelhair please And a vichyssoise and a cabbage and a crawfish claws. Sure he was just some Johnny Saucep'n when he walked into that kitchen But his genius with the foodstuffs got the old chef's tastebuds itchin' Johnny Saucep'n bought the restaurant and the chef came all unglued There will always be a lineup for that strange and wonderful food. Basil endive parmesan shrimp live Lobster hamster worchester muenster Caviar radiccio snow pea scampi Roquefort meat squirt blue beef red alert Pork hocs side flank cantaloupe sheep shanks Provolone flatbread goat's head soup Gruyere cheese angelhair please And a vichyssoise and a cabbage and a crawfish claws. From the Liner: 1995- A massive mouthful makes a cheerful little earful.
(Mike) Up until just recently Gambling was thought to be blasphemy (Jian, as Cedric) Like Wilson Phillips, evil stuff (Mike) But Canada is changing fast Loosening it up at last legally (Jian) The new narcotic, take a puff. (All) Casinos open to raise funds for social needs (Jian) Full of roulette wheels, Black jack and video slot machines. (All) Now guys like Cedric perform benevolent deeds. (Jian) I've been saving up my welfare Just to throw the dice on the velvet greens. (Mike) Money made by dealing folks Goes to helping healing folks 'cross the land (Jian) I stand and proudly gush. (Mike) Casinos are a ministry handled governmentally Show your hand. (Jian) I almost had a royal flush. (All) Since Cedric spent his last dime on 15 to 2. (Jian) I put my chips on 32 red it went to black instead. (All) Guys like Cedric are pulling Medicaire through. (Jian) Now they're asking me to leave, And I'm poor and I'm peeved so I just might heave. (Mike) So he mortgaged the house and he traded the kids And he studied the odds and he practiced the bids. The he ran to province next door to his Where casinos were a brand new flourishing biz. (All) His new found luck at blackjack brought him such wealth They realized he'd make a perfect Minister of Health. (Mike) Now he's wearing all the hats Hanging out with bureaucrats at bookie joints. (Jian) He's a public money sponge. (Mike) Watch him place another bet We go deeper into debt losing points (Jian) And credit ratings plunge (Jian) We've made a virtue of that which used to be vice: (All) Lower tax on corporations, gambling donations pay the bills. (Jian) Now gambling addicts are civil servants with dice: (All) Selling health to the hopeless, pocketing the profits, curing our ills. (All) Our social service is getting nervous As Cedric hands it to one-armed bandits. It's hell for purists but swell for tourists so yeah! From the Liner: 1992- Originally written as a musical discussion of the issues around the legalization of gambling in Canada, this piece was commissioned and performed in '92 for CBC's national television newsmagazine The Journal. Since then, Cedric F. has been spotted with many celebrities (including T.V.'s Bob Denver) at various 'nouveau' casinos.
Lyrics by Jack Micay (Mike in a deep voice) Galileo, Netwon, Watt, they were genuises all. Without them we'd be freezing in the dark at the mall. James Joule found total energy remains the same (Murray) No matter what it's form. (Mike) That's why it carries his name. (Jian) A chemical, electrical, potential and heat, Radiant, kinetic, ooh the list is incomplete. They're always changing back and forth It's really quite a blur (Murray) oh, how could he? (Jian) I've forgotten nuclear! (All) Ride a barrel down the falls Then cook spaghetti with meatballs. Really make your friends amazed. Nuke it with some gamma rays. Fly to Venus in a rocket. Put your finger in a socket. You may suffer from exhaust, But none of that energy is ever really lost. (Murray) Then why can't we make a clean machine that moves perpetually? Cause there's another law with which all energy must agree. Whenever it changes form, it loses quality (Dave) in other words... (Murray) Down/Damn that rising entropy! (Dave) It's entropy you see that turns finess into mess A palace to a pig-stye why it's simply scandalous! Energy once neat degenerates into waste heat (We must repeat.) Because of entropy. From the Liner: 1993- A lot more exciting than it's sister song, Inertia. The band is very committed to heightening awareness around this issue.
(Recorded by Doug McCelement, March '93 at Comfort SOund, Toronto.)
(All) We took the babies we knew and the toddlers we knew, Said we'd like to get a slice of life from your point of view 'Cause you cry and laugh a lot more than us older folks do It's a Spicer show especially for you. (Dave) The markers that I just got are non-toxic And my sister says the lake is quite dioxic I don't know what these words mean, I just want to play where it's clean But something in the backyard make my dog sick. Is there something you like? (squirt-gunning my dog!) Is there something you hate? (when my turtle ate my gerbil) Is it fun to take a bath (no...sometimes...yes) balbum-(yes, no, sometimes, yeah) Should Quebec separate? Well, we'll try and handle that for you And make a better world, so you can have kids too. (Mike) My mom is French, and she's a candy striper When my dad sings 'Save the Queen' she gets real hyper She says "Douglas, keep your paws Off my Notwithstanding clause" And they argue, and forget about my diaper (gross!) Is there something you like? (Jurassic Park) Is there something you despise? (when I ate too many crayons) Do you like to play with dolls? (not dolls, action figures) Do you have a gender bias? (my sister is three....gender biases) Well, we'll try to handle that for you And make a better world, so you can have kids too. (Jian) Hello, I'm Gabby and I just got here from Chile (welcome Gabby!) I like Canada, except that it is chilly I met Premier Bob Rae, and he ain't no Pinochet My mother makes a spicy bowl of chili (three rhymes!) Is there something you like? (squirt-gunning my Shreddies) Is there something you hate (reject)? (food that isn't pizza) What's your favourite colour? (fuschia...teal) Is that politically correct? Well, we'll try and handle that for you And make a better world, so you can have kids too. (All) Now the kids have held court, and we're glad to report That from now on we'll take orders from the young and the short In fact, adults should only speak up as a final resort When there's a grown-up problem through which one must sort Trust the people for whom living is a sport If you need us we'll be backyard in our new treefort. From the Liner: 1991- In '91, the Spicer Commission gathered reflections on Canada's fragile unity. We put it to the overlooked toddler lobby and got this little nugget.
(Recorded live by Colin Stanutz, October '93 at the Danforth Music Hall, Toronto.)
Back to the Lyrics page...
These lyrics represent the original version of the song as closely as possible. (Thanks to the Früvous Pages for these...) He can't stand a loss He's always cross His name is Ross... I love my boss I love my boss He isn't full of fluff and gloss He gives me work and many chores to do My model, like Ben Cartwright to Hoss And though he pays me minimum wage It's all I deserve at this stage Some union hack said I should ask for more I answered with suitable rage I love my boss I love my boss I love my boss I love my boss One day I came to work too late I'd had a Fruvous luncheon date My boss he summoned me to speak with him I sweated, awaiting my fate He said "you're gone!" It was just like the wrath of Khan But my dear boss let me apologize I love him, and I had been wrong He's going out now with my sister They go real heavy on the sauce I'd like to tell him watch out mister But he's the boss My friends they say that I am clinging Ask why I'm carrying this cross Who knows what x-mas will be bringing From dear old boss Bosses through the ages prove They're the ones who make it move Bewitched would have an empty plate If it weren't for Larry Tate Clark Kent reached the highest height With the help of Perry White And if we may be retrograde Speak the name Reuben Kincaid Now I've really kicked the sacred cow I've got me working on the night shift When my boss is out on the town I love my boss I love my boss I love my boss I love my boss