Sung to the melody of Frankie Avalon's "Venus" Andy at the mic The draft dodger that everybody liked Commentating or just talking on the phone The Mother Core has welcomed you home. Andy take your time The CBC may think you're next in line. You've come here as a veritable youth Anzolfksy's getting long in the tooth. CHORUS Andy, God-head of gab that you are If you were a golfing man You'd come in under par. So Andy make us smile You're heading up a morning show with style Not hyper-paced with bad jokes based on sex Or stupid barn-yard sound effects. Andy it's been said Rob Christie's scared and so are Humble and Fred. You'll be taking all their listener's again Lookout Roger, Rick and Mariyln (you're gonna get 'em Andy). SECOND CHORUS Andy, smooth baritione that you are In your voice new listener's will bask Just don't let them see the flask Andy keep in site That there's a nasty deficit to fight And now the CBC is next in line They'll shut it down by '99. (and finally...) Andy clear your pipes You'll deal with politicians of so many strifes Perhaps an interview with Barberie at the mic Or Harris and his new Third Reich. Hey Andy, Hey Andy.... Metro Morning with you!
*This was sung to Toronto's Metro Morning host Andy Barrie in the summer of 1995.
CHORUS Blow, wind blow, All my troubles away, Blow, wind blow, Until judgement day. (Dave) Well every night at our hotel We fill a wading pool with jello And because it's no sin We throw [Howard] Manshine in And he plays Hendrick's tunes on the cello REPEAT CHORUS (Jean) The world's biggest dope, Has got to be the pope For Christ's sake, where does he get his views from. He gave the conference a pass, He's got his head up his ass, And he's probably not using a condom. REPEAT CHORUS (Murray) Well, for most of our shows, I wear my casual clothes, and folks mistake me for Phil Collins. But Winnipeg's tough, so I wear all the stuff that makes us look like Henry Rollins REPEAT CHORUS (Mike) Our name is Moxy Fruv You may not like our groove But we're milder than you may have planned. But hey, don't you freak, because three nights a week, we're a brooding, fuck-you grunge band. REPEAT CHORUS
sung to "I Think I Love You", by The Partridge Family This morning, all full of fear and trembling, Constituents were assembling, With quotes from Mr. Angus Reid in hand. Joe Clark struck up the band, For a national love-in link-up, Wherein average folks could think up Ways to save our troubled land. Then later, three trucks with big antennas, Folks dressed like Frank McKennas And talk reporters showed up on my lawn, A flashbulb lit the dawn And a teleprompter told me To speak the word out boldly For a Can-Save telethon! I think I love you, Can they hear that out in Moosejaw? Just a simple guy from Oshawa With a heaping, home-spun hunk of national pride. I think I love you! Get some make-up on the neighbours... It's a humble, folksy plea, Pick it up on camera three! They gave me coffee, and made me sit with others, Whom if they had their druthers, Would rather be home watching NFL. But I guess its just as well That we find a common zeitgeist, before Preston holds a seat heist In a parliament from Hell! The Can-Save satellite sent word from downtown Gander, Where folks refuse to pander To ultimatums set by neighbour-kin. We were about to pack it in, When our Brian started prayin'. Let's all act like Sir John A. - in Other words let's hit the gin. Then came Alberta, with a message from the Saddle-Dome, Said Canada's our true home, There's just some slight adjustments for us all. They'd like to build a massive wall, Top it with a bubble, pronto, So that they could call Toronto The all-new East Edmonton Mall! Let's say we love you, We'll avert this national quagmire! Throw grudges on the bonfire And focus on the possibilities For a solution. We'll fix that constitution... But face it, what the heck... We know Zilch about Qubec! Don't know 'bout you folks, but I get nocturnal emissions When I think about Royal Commissions, They really turn my patriotic crank And we've got the Feds to thank For the provinces' spew-and-cheat file. They'll want to top the heap while Uncle Sam holds up the bank! I'll eat my bricklin, if I read another headline, About a looming deadline And well-dressed men content to roll the dice. Guns to the head aren't nice When the patient's quickly fading. We don't need this angst parading When an anthem will suffice! We'll sing we love you! You're a double hero sandwich! Top it off with Peter Mansbridge, Two huskies and a bucket of poutin! Canada we love you So much it doesn't matter! You're a frigid, spineless, pawn For Wallstreet and the Pentagon... But geeze we love you!
(as performed on 7/24/99)Beware the Killer Tents! Beware the Killer Tents! Chorus: The tents are coming, over the hill We thought they were inanimate, but now they're set to kill At Falcon Ridge this summer Somehow we've enraged the Falcon Gods Tents have turned to creeping crawling body-snatching pods It was time for the big hoedown It was Hillsdale '99 Susan Werner saw a tent pole grow like an ivy vine Eddie from Ohio through his rear view mirror saw How with reckless abandon they were eatin' people raw (Tents, that is) The Kennedy's tore Greg Brown From his soul food bowl Said surely nothing good can come from Such a grassy knoll Time to cut the mustard And beat a fast retreat Cause Vance Gilbert's looking tasty and those tents they gotta eat! (Jian: they like the dark meat!) Repeat Chorus Roger the Jester wasn't joshing when he said "They'll kill us all!" And an unHarmonius Wail announced the end of Ellis Paul Cry Cry Cry as they devoured Run Run Run as they hurl the undigested flesh of LJ Booth and Stacey Earle They'll execute a Hudson crossing As the mother tent commands Slithering all the way from Utah Phillips Screwdrivers in hand To dismantle the machinery from where folk fests are flowing So this time next year this field will just be Wild Asparagus growing Repeat Chorus Beware the Killer Tents!! Tony Trischka's hallowed banjo The hungry tents will sup And even Ani will be swallowed Up Up Up Up Up From Ferron they'll exact their macabre vendetta And the Nields will never have the chance to get over that slut Greta! No Falcon Ridge performer will escape this ghastly crime Except for those who weren't invited And those whose names are hard to rhyme What of Fruvous, you may ask Listen up! Let me explain! We joined forces with the tents And turned them into the King of Spain! Yes with this terrifying army Fruvous futures have been coupled We've pissed off the folkies But our ticket prices have been doubled! Repeat Chorus Beware the Killer Tents! Beware the Killer Tents!
(as performed on 8/7/98)(Mike - congas/shaker, Jian - electric guitar, Murray - acoustic guitar, Dave - bass) (Murray on lead) In Haliburton near the Lake of Bays lives a fish from a faraways He hates the weather but still he stays He hates the work but he says it pays He robs the people as they swim and wade His little piece of the tourist trade This little fella's really got it made (All) From May to mid-July (All) He's Pisco Bandito the bandit fish If he wants your money, he gets his wish then he swims away with a mighty swish Pisco the bandit fish (Mike) rrrrrrrow! (rest) ba ba da dop (Murray) (rest) He left his family down in Mexico (ba ba da dop) to fly (ply?) the waters of Ontario (ba ba da dop) He didn't want to but he had to go (ba ba da dop) He sends them money every month or so (ba ba da dop) Swimming beneath the summer sun (ba ba da dop) or renting videos of Midnight Run (ba ba da dop) A bandit's life is lots of fun (All) It's lots and lots of fun (All) He's Pisco Bandito the bandit fish If he wants your money, he gets his wish then he swims away with a mighty swish Pisco the bandit fish [In more recent versions of this song, the following bridge (up to the acoustic guitar solo) has been removed and replaced with more instrumental material] (All) What is Pisco's favourite thing to rob? (Murray) They say he likes apple strudel (All) What does he do when not on the job? (Murray) on the guitar noodle (Murray acoustic guitar solo, rest singing "ahhhhh") (rest) Shom-sheh-lom-sheh-lom (Dave) A nautical Bruce Willis (Mike) A modern-day Sevalis (Jian) Antonio Banderas (rest) Whoa! (Murray) You may think that to steal is wrong But he's no worse than Jean Valjean Except he drinks and carries on And smashes bottles on the neighbor's lawn (rest) ba ba da dop (Murray) (rest) The oceans and the seven seas (ba ba da dop) Are filled with many different tales like these (ba ba da dop) Decent folk like you or me (All) On the wrong side of the law (All) He's Pisco Bandito the bandit fish If he wants your money, he gets his wish then he swims away with a mighty swish Pisco the bandit fish (All, w/ Murray doing scat) He's Pisco Bandito the bandit fish If he wants your money, he gets his wish he swims away with a mighty swish Pisco the bandit fish
(as performed on 10/29/98)(Jian - tambourine, Dave - acoustic guitar, Murray - bass, Mike - shaker/percussion) (Jian on lead) I'll hold you if you feel you'll fall I'll hold your hand if you just need a friend I'll hold the line so you can call I'll hold the feelings you don't want to end (Jian and Dave) You know that it's true When I hold you (All) There'll be no secrets I believe it (Jian and Dave) I'll hold your tears if you must cry I'll hold your breath if that won't make you blue I'll hold the truth if you must lie I'll hold off choice till you know what to do (Jian and Dave) You know that it's true When I hold you (All) There are no secrets I believe it (All) So I will hold on And if that's not what you're used to Then I may refuse to Hold off if maybe that's not what you're used to How can I refuse you? (Jian and Dave) (Mike and Murray) I'll hold the train till you get on (you get on) I'll hold the mirror so you can fix your hair I'll hold the pain till it is gone (pain is gone) I'll hold my ground when people stop and stare (Jian and Dave) You know that it's true When I've held you (All) There are no secrets You must believe it (Jian) I'll hold the beating of my heart I'll hold my breath if you will tell me to (Jian and Dave) (Mike and Murray) I'll hold the hope that we won't part (we won't part) and I'll hold off death so I can live with you (Jian and Dave) You knew it was true When I held you (All) There were no secrets I believed it (All) So I will hold on And if that's not what you're used to Then I may refuse to Hold off maybe that's not what you're used to How can I refuse you? So I will hold on And if that's not what you're used to Then I may refuse to Hold off And maybe that's not what you're used to (Jian) How can I refuse you?
(as performed in the fall of 1998)(Mike and Jian) I don't have a breaking point. I'm quite in control, Thank you very much. (Murray) Shall we start this up again? Major dad, mother hen... Your control, my concede. Without a fight, no day's complete. (all) I wouldn't carry a grudge about it. I wouldn't carry a grudge. (Murray) Throw your hat into the ring. Lose a pawn. Protect your king. I concede concessions made. Throw acid in this gatorade. (all) I wouldn't carry a grudge about it. I wouldn't carry a grudge. I wouldn't carry a grudge about it. (Mike) Until the sun turns brown. 'Till this mansion burns down. (all) I don't have a breaking point. I'm quit in control. Thanks you very much. (Murray) Years from now, above our graves, Soldiers march conceding waves. Should I see this logic through? This marching song's (All) all about me and you. I wouldn't carry a grudge about it. I wouldn't carry a grudge. I wouldn't carry a grudge about it. I wouldn't carry a grudge. I wouldn't carry a grudge about it. I wouldn't carry a grudge. I wouldn't carry a grudge about it. I don't have a breaking point. I'm quite in control. Thank you very much. (Murray) Thank you very much.
Friday night and the lights are low Looking out for the place to go Where they play the right music, getting in the swing You come in to look for a King Anybody could be that guy Night is young and the music's high With a bit of rock music, everything is fine You're in the mood for a dance And when you get the chance... You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen You're a teaser, you turn 'em on Leave them burning and then you're gone Looking out for another, anyone will do You're in the mood for a dance And when you get the chance... You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen
by Elvis Costello, usually sung by Murray as a solo number We play these parlour games We play at make believe When we get to the part where I say that I'm going to leave Everybody loves a happy ending but we don't even try We go straight past pretending To the part where everybody loves to cry (chorus) Indoor fireworks Can still burn your fingers Indoor fireworks We swore we were safe as houses They're not so spectacular They don't burn up in the sky But they can dazzle or delight Or bring a tear When the smoke gets in your eyes You were the spice of life The gin in my vermouth And though the sparks would fly I thought our love was fireproof Sometimes we'd fight in public darling With very little cause But different kinds of sparks would fly When we got on our own behind closed doors (chorus) It's time to tell the truth These things have to be faced My fuse is burning out And all that powder's gone to waste Don't think for a moment dear that we'll ever be through I'll build a bonfire of my dreams And burn a broken effigy of me and you (chorus)
by The Who You think we look pretty good together You think my shoes are made of leather But I'm a substitute for another guy I look pretty tall but my heels are high The simple things you see are all complicated I look pretty young, but I'm just back-dated, yeah Substitute your lies for fact I can see right through your plastic mac I look all white, but my dad was black My fine looking suit is really made out of sack I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth The north side of my town faced east, and the east was facing south And now you dare to look me in the eye Those crocodile tears are what you cry It's a genuine problem, you won't try To work it out at all you just pass it by, pass it by Substitute me for him Substitute my coke for gin Substitute you for my mum At least I'll get my washing done
(Original music by Harry Belafonte but ???? on the song) Up in Downsview when the skies are grey, I can take my Mazda down the old Parkway, From what they tell me I just hang a right To the place that's jumping every day and night. Well I'm glad to say, I'm on my way To where ducks and jugglers and children play! I may be stuck in traffic, but I'm on the hunt, Gonna find my harbour down at Harbourfront! When I found it, started walking around, It took me half an hour to find some grassy ground. I spread my blanket, but I got no sun, Just the shadow of a condominium! Well I'm sad to say, they got away, They took my view and my naivet! I saw lots of condos, but to be blunt, I didn't see no harbour down at Harbourfont! Hey! Is there no Metro Plan? Driving, market comes before a home. So tell me, what do you say older man (or woman)? Pave the harbour from the shore to the Dome. Take ten stories, twenty stories, thirty stories, lunch! Driving, market comes before a home. We're gonna solve that corporate housing crunch! Pave the harbour from the shore to the Dome. (Where is Moscoe?) I took my problem to so many doors, To the Feds, Queen's Park and councillors. They sent me on to a businessman Who said "Son, listen up, I understand." "Well I'm glad to say, you'll get your way, Your WOMAD fest and your children's day, That artsy stuff, spring, summer and fall On parking level three of HarbourMall" Shop, where the boats used to stop! Lights and connections at HarbourMall. SkyDome's a runt, next to King Harbourfront! Fifty-six stories at HarbourMall. (Let's go Shopping!) So now you see, the situation's clear, We'll have HarbourFun every day of the year. Under HarbourMall's roof I'll get my sun >From the tanning salon on level fifty-one. Yes I'm glad to say, we got our way, Our WOMAD fest and our children's day, That artsy stuff, spring, summer and fall On Parking level three of HarbourMall. Parking level three of HarbourMall. Parking level three of HarbourMall. Bullet-proof HarbourMall, where we say: "HarbourMall, fun in the city!"
I understand about indecision I don't care about the FBI People living in competition All I want is to have my peace of mind. Baseball fans are all getting sappy The player's strike they didn't like a bit, But we're from Toronto so we're kind of happy 'Cause frankly the season the Blue Jays were totally shit! (....everyone got off the bandwagon because it smelled like SHIT)
(by David Byrne/Talking Heads) I can't seem to face up to the facts I'm tense and nervous and I Can't relax I can't sleep 'cause my bed's on fire Don't touch me I'm a real live wire Psycho Killer Qu'est Que C'est fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better Run run run run run run run away Psycho Killer Qu'est Que C'est fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better Run run run run run run run away You start a conversation you can't even finish it. You're talkin' a lot, but you're not sayin' anything. When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed. Say something once, why say it again? Psycho Killer, Qu'est Que C'est fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better Run run run run run run run away Psycho Killer Qu'est Que C'est fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better Run run run run run run run away Ce que j'ai fais, ce soir la Ce qu'elle a dit, ce soir la Realisant mon espoir Je me lance, vers la gloire ... OK We are vain and we are blind I hate people when they're not polite Psycho Killer, Qu'est Que C'est fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better Run run run run run run run away Psycho Killer, Qu'est Que C'est fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better Run run run run run run run away oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh....