Number of video arcades on the ferry between the mainland and the island: 2

Amount of time (in minutes) we lost because the online yellow pages had had the wrong address: 30

Cobblestoned sidewalks, in miles: 330

Percentage of people who, seeing the B.C. Legislature lit up at night, would say "Wow, they're decorating for Christmas early": 98.5

Amazingly beautiful waitresses at Legends: 4

People I offended with the previous statistic: 10

From Norg:

DISCLAIMER: long. real long. this review is longer than the two-hour history class you just got out of. longer than an innagurational reception speech. longer than it is taking quebec to seperate. longer than waiting for the bus you just missed. longer than being a canadian waiting for the release of live noise all the while knowing that your american 'friends' are basking in the glory of having a larger fan base and better drugs. as before, make sure you have something comfortable to sit on, a large container of nourishing supplements, a fire in the fireplace, a swing in your step, and a significant block of free-time.

...so we woke up the next morning. tentatively testing my voice, i found that i had a bass that would put isaac hayes to shame and get me a job as a chef somewhere, but that was about all i had. any range higher than that was a little squeak. oh the things we do. it was after that when doug informed me that he had been preserving his voice to make sure that he didn't end up in my pathetique condition. oh the absolute joys of having too much fun. would i have done it any different given the opportunity? oh heck no.

i must take a moment to comment about the fact that arbie fru is iron man incarnate. not only did he go to dennys with us aftershow and actually eat, but then went to sleep for only a few hours, woke up, went to do some delivery work, then came back to FruCasa West, tooled around the house for a while, and all this before doug and myself actually cracked the eyes and poured ourselves out of bed. arbie gave us a few suggestions as far as what to do about getting from point a to point b without getting physically killed, so we appreciated that. after which, he had to go back to work and we bid him farewell. what the poor man doesn't quite know yet is that he and i are not quite finished. seeing as i left my favorite shirt and vest in his closet, along with my second favorite shirt, and my sleeping bag on his floor, methinks that he and i will bump into each other again. dangit. (:

so doug got out of bed and ran for the nearest newsgroup. i haven't seen someone use 'screen' so efficiently in ages. i've forgotten some of those weird commands that he used regularly. quite fearsome to behold. for any of you who actually doubt the fact that doug is doing anything whilst on irc, i must beg to differ. chances are, he's holding conversations in 4 different channels, maintaining private messaging of two or three, checking newsgroups, and keeping an eye on his work. this is something along the lines of "high energy power house internet usage" or something to that effect. in a unix environment. no windows. my hat off to doug for hanging on to a good past and proving that it works better than all the gui_duck addicts on this planet of point-and-click, plug-and-pray, where-did-you-think-you-were-going_today, inconceivable internet. *grin*

after we did the daily rise & shine, eat & clean, stuff was packed up, we made a pile of things that needed to go into the car, loaded up the norg-mobile with more stuff than should have been possible, made an attempt at seeing if we left anything behind (ok ok ok i'm terrible at keeping tabs on stuff when my head is somewhere up in the clouds with john glenn) and then got in the car (oops) to head to the ferry terminal for victoria. we had pondered the possibilities of leaving the car in long term parking and then bussing from the ferry on the other end to somewhere near the venue, but we're going to discover that it turned out to be a much wiser option not doing so. the cost wouldn't have been that much different, so we decided to take the car on the ferry. the wait for the ferry to take off was a little longer than expected, but that gave me enough time to take inventory and figure out what all that crap in the back seat was. i swear my car hasn't ever been messier. ahhh, clutter. yum. (really, doug, that is the messiest my car has ever had the misfortune of being. road trips, man. that's the rules. nothing ever works like it's supposed to. you know this. don't deny it. it's a true story and you know it's true.) in the interminable wait for the ferry to arrive (those things are supposed be fast, yet mid-summer slugs crawling through salt give them a run for their money when you're waiting for them), fluids were purchased at the conveniently local, highly expensive beverage and consummables location provided to the far-too-rich folks of greater vancouver. lo and behold, the ferry decided to ever so gently apply itself to the inner-most-regions of the manmade dock, unloaded a car-full of people heading back to vancouver from making sure that it was safe for the fruheads in victoria, and we were finally on our way to floating bliss.

it then occurred to me that i had not been actually on a ferry boat since i was in middle school. now THAT was an experience. they even let me make the announcement that we were pulling into the next dock koz they thought that it was cute that a kid wanted to do that. little did they know ...

so we're on the ferry boat. doug immediately bolted to the gamerooms to see if he could find an Area 51 projectile device in which to feed spare change and i headed up the ladder to the roof (nylons!) to stare in wonder at the sights that could be seen. unfortunately, in the time that it took to park the car in the thing, sit in the back seat of the car and pack DAT tapes, turn everything off, hear lots of noise made by the ferry boat, make my way up a few flights of stairs, the boat moved knott. they were taking their time, making sure that all was in order, that no cars would fall out the back or the front, and that small children were kept safe from the edge of the boat. finally, after what seemed like a bittersweet moment of eternity, the boat finally untied it's naughts and got a move on it. it was amazing, sitting there in anticipation, finally feeling the rumbling underneath me, and experiencing the fascination of a ferry boat gunning up to a screaming crawl. no wonder they declined the use of a ferry boat in Speed 2. (remember what i said about sequels?) anyway, i was as top of the boat as i could get and just kinda enjoying the view. doug finally made his rounds and managed to track me down and told me that there was not a single area 51 to be had in the entire confines of the boat, but that there were some other cool things to be seen. so i followed him down, played with a shooting game called police academy, in which he thoroughly slaughtered my score (i shoot pool, not guns) but it was all in good fun. besides, the 5 or so dollars i spent on canadian video games must've compared to maybe fifty cents U.S. so i got my moneys worth. afterwards, i made a run for the outdoors again. i'd heard some fascinating things about the ride from vancouver to victoria and wanted to see them firsthand. i was not disappointed. for those of you out on the east coast where you have flat plains and can tell what the weather is going to be at least three days in advance, you need to promptly deposit your collective hindquarterses on the nearest vancouver ferry to victoria and see what real nature is like. there was more green there than the united states money-making factory can provide in a good fiscal year. it was absolutely gorgeous. trees, massive islands, trees, birds, the smells of water on the left side, trees ... good heavens ... areas untouched by the buzzsaws and technological terrors of man. i think i will miss the greenery of the pacific northwest when i spend my deportation in quebec city. i'm serious tho. everyone needs to visit there at least once, act as tourist, act crazy knowing that nobody will ever remember you again, and just enjoy yourselves out there. you will not regret it. so peaceful...

so the ferry boat arrives in victoria. we get in the car (ha. ha. ) and start to head south (i think it was south ... i really had no idea where i was at that point) so that we can find where the hostel we're staying at is, and get to the venue in time for the show to start. downtown victoria is about as navigable as times square, i discovered: you only do it because you really really have to, and even then it's debatable. i dropped doug off at the hostel once we found it and discovered that parking is as easy to find in victoria as snow in the sahara: it's been known to happen but don't bet your first born on it. dropping doug off to register us at the hostel, i started driving around to find a place to park. i finally found a parking lot that charged money (the nerve!) on Pandorra street. (remember that street name, folks.) got my stuff out of the car, and started bolting to where i thought that the venue would be.

when it became clear to me that i was having no luck finding the actual "Legends" venue, i started asking random people if they could direct me to "Legends" .... one friendly woman was more than happy to assist me in my efforts, gave me very detailed instructions on how to actually get to "Legends" and i went on my way. it was rather contradictory to what i thought it would be, but she was local and i would trust her. Jian's comments about people in the pacific northwest not being 'all there' are something i will take into consideration next time i find myself traveling up there. when you are looking for directions to get to a venue, make sure that you let the person you are asking know that it is a CLUB you are looking for, because when i finally got the correct directions from someone, i was heading for a clothing establishment. the only member of moxy fruvous i would likely find there would be dave (is that man fashionably correct or what?) , and since i wanted the whole package, i started heading for the new directions which would get me to the CLUB called "Legends." *mutter* once i started getting close to the place, i saw doug running (a sight ....) towards me saying that he found the place and we headed in. paid my bills, got my hand stamped, moved my stuff to the back of the room, and enjoyed watching the second half of Dayna Manning's set. i was beginning to wince at the fact that she was not going with them to seattle: i really enjoyed her music and the memories it brought back of my best friend and his music, which was similar. at some point or another, dave meandered into the main area of the club to watch the show, and i wandered around to check out the place.

the stage itself was much lower than the stage at Richards on Richards: like barely at all raised: maybe a foot or two. there were tables all in front of the stage on the dance floor. that was ... not cool. oh well. nice curtains in the background of the stage, lots and lots and lots of room for people all over the club, and the sound was pretty good. ok, so far i was digging the place. dayna finished her set and the setting up of the stuff began with cal doing his "amazing things" on stage (i swear, if i can't make it as a musician someday, i want a job doing what he does) and getting the show setup. then "the note" hit ... and i knew what was about to happen. we were about to be graced with the awesome and awe-inspiring melodies and harmonies that make up the..

OPENING SONG!

that's right. ladies and gentlemen, we are pleased to bring you a variation of a song that could be heard on You Will Go to the Moon. for you progressive rock and stone heads everywhere, if you wanted to see how versatile moxy fruvous could get with their styles combined, then

Sahara (extended) - is the song for you. i cannot begin to tell you how absolutely cool that song is to open a show: anticipation, build up, cool rhythms, amazing music, beautiful vocalizations, great lyrics, and dave on the guitar. oh the sheer joy of it all. the ecstasy "my god" (get out of my head! get out of my head! i have live noise in my head!) ... the song is amazing. a perculiar thing happened before the song started, tho. the note was playing, and jian was interacting with someone near the front of the stage. after some conversation, gum was slipped from the patron to jian, jian started to chew away, and the song started. odd. as they had done the night before, once the song was finished, without a word edgewise, murray and jian start to get a little groove action going on. for those of you who have heard live noise or have been to a show before, you know that the song that we are about to be graced with is none other than

Jockey Full of Bourbon - as recreated by moxy fruvous. salsa dancers, where were you? i was looking! oh well. great song to have as a second movement in an assault on untrained victoria ears. great mood maker, groove shaker, earth quaker, etc etc. you get the idea. another song i love to hear. so once our collective jockeys were full, they moved into a little banter and commentary before the introduction of

B.J. Don't Cry - in which they mentioned that they had not been to victoria in over five years. man ... five years? and they still had people there who knew words to their songs? wow. amazing. loyal fans! yes! come back again! really! ok. cool. whew. we got that taken care of. b.j. don't cry is another one of the songs i just love to hear. i know they've been performing it since the beginning of time and i would imagine that some people are bored with it, but the song is just too cool to listen to. to this day, though, and i've listened to it many times, i cannot for the life of me figure out what mike is saying instead of the usual "as with logic, with reason" segment. something about 'gentlemen sharing large' something 'with gentlemen' i think ... could someone clarify on that? it's driving me nuts. "found a buddha and a brush..." dope jokes. oh boy. (: people liked that it seemed. after the song was finished, jian took a moment to thank the shaven-headed individual for providing him with chewing substance to manipulate during the beginning of sahara. he described the fact that playing the doumbek requires that he chew gum, and he left it behind or something. a couple questions were asked of the shaven-headed dood, some of them that he answered as if a completely different question were asked. jian: "Are you a really big fan who wants to look like Dave?" shaven-headed man: "Yeah, i'm from around here." ... i wonder if he stole mike's buddha. jian promptly placed the aforementioned chewing substance on one of the stands of his kit, upon which dave commented "woah. won't lose it's flavour on _that_ bedpost." anyway, jian went on to thank the

B.C. Gum Boy - by providing him with song. the b.c. gum boy jam took place at that point with some hilarious comments about "take it outta your mouth and it keeps chewing by itself. the gum from b.c. gum boy: self chewing." amazing. improv rocks. after the ode to gum dood was finished, jian commented that they're going to name their next album "B.C. Gum Boy" ... i think i'll call him on that. *grin* he's gotta be careful what he says. so, after it was over, they went into the next song on their items up for bid, which was

Horseshoes - and i was beginning to think that this was vancouver all over again. *grin* of course, the effect that horseshoes had on me during this show was no different than the effect it had on me during vancouver when i immediately had that sound-check flashback .... *shiver* i still get a rapid heartbeat thinking of that moment. horseshoes went through its course and we were delighted to hear that they were going to be playing a couple new songs for us. this seemed to be a very receptive audience, and when they broke into

Sad Girl - they really seemed to enjoy it. well, as well as any audience seated in the front rows could appreciate anything, i suppose. good response at the end of the song. and always a joy watching murray drum. (: after the song reached its completion point, mike started to tell us that he was going to take us on a little trip. up to ontario. lots of americans. you know what's coming. that's right ladies and gentlemen,

Pisco Bandito - was brought on stage, threw bottles on the neighbors lawn, and caused unsightly blemishing on the populace of the lake of bays. behold! murray is a closet lead guitarist!! holycow, i almost lost my jaw it was hanging so slack watching him not only play a really decent acoustic guitar lead on this song, but leaning backwards, getting that "i'm playing a lead line" look on his face ... murray could have found out that he was born a woman and that his life path was about to take him to a nunnery, but we would not have known it he was having the time of his life in that song. (note: murray was not born a woman, nor is he heading to any nunneries. it was a metaphor.) So Pisco was over once again (i love that song!) and finally jian started to tell us all that the next song was to imply that almost all of us have, have had, or will have, an employer. if you guessed that

I Love my Boss - was next, you win the grand prize of a trip to visit me in quebec city. hooray! aren't you lucky. pretty typical standard-issue i love my boss with what i am apparently guessing is the usual dance routine that goes along with it. i've said it before and i'm saying it now and i assure you that i will say it again: nothing can beat actually seeing them live. you can scratch the surface, you can collect bootlegs, you can take pictures, you can get autographs, you can even have your ass branded in the form of a budgie (limited quantities have already been filled apparently, sorry.), but you cannot even begin to imagine the total package unless you've seen mike describing the going out of the sister, jian's gun, murray's method of getting audience involvement in the percussive accompaniment, or jian's ... hip wiggle ... i'm a nut for barbershop music, so i will always love this song. after it was over, they started talking about their sudden random improv songs and how they never seem to remember them. jian tried to get them to break into b.c. gum boy again and the other guys just looked at him funny-like. it was interesting hearing their perspective also on why they haven't come to victoria in five years... murray had the perfect reason: "it's damn far." mike broke into a quick "daamnnnn faaaaaaaaar" improv, dave started mumbling lyrics about mississauga (no idea how to spell that, sorry) which ended with him suddenly stopping after singing "should have just got down on my knees" ... funny looks abound. they started to discuss topics along the nature of song ideas that have been taken, which is when

Birchbark Sandwich - as an improv suddenly came out of nowhere with mike making up some words here and there. perculiar subject matter, but was fun to listen to. of course, that song couldn't be written now because murray pointed out that they had just done it and the subject matter was now taken. well THANKS guys. and to think that while i was riding on the ferry i was actually thinking that i could go home and write a song about that. (well, no i wasn't, but wouldn't it be funny?) after the climax of the birchbark sammich song, we were told that the planet earth is running out. of course, murray let us know that

You Will Go to the Moon - when the planet down here actually does run out and all sorts of stuff went along with that. again, more barbershop stuff! yay! perculiar moment: the second "Orbiting Rondelle" .... before the end of the song ... when murray would normally build up the bass line to continue on, we were treated to a "bip ......... bip .......... bip ........... bip ........" i don't think anyone really knows what happened there ... the song was sadly over and we moved on to jian making the comment: "We're Moxy Fruvous from Toronto, and

My Baby Loves a Bunch of Authors - " whereupon we were treated to the classic. there is a special place in my heart for this song since it was the first moxy fruvous song i had ever heard. a friend of mine in 1994 tried to expose me to them playing on the fact that i love music with wit. it worked. (: of course, i have another favorite (kick in the ass ... Kick In the Ass .... dangit, why couldn't they play Kick In The Ass .... *whine*) but this song was full of all sorts of treats: "koz my baby's hooked on .... my crucifixion" had me lauging again, and we got elvis! we got the elvis, collar up, shirt messed up "a-turning pages". *bounce* however, something went wrong during the song and dave broke a string, which lead to a very interesting last note played with his hand alllllll the way up the neck of the guitar. hilarious. so the song was over, they did a little chatting, and introduced us to Tobey! tobey came out to change the guitar for dave, since he had done the naughty and broken a string. mike: "change your string, anything, merch and driver guy tobey" ... they took the opportunity to describe some of tobey's more colorful sounds that he makes when certain moods play into his life. the standard tobey noise of course is "ooooooohhhhh" with the "oo" sounds being more along the lines of more soft than long. if you have any questions about this, please feel free to call me or badger tobey at a show. the surprised tobey, the angry tobey, the ponderous tobey, and the "hair on fire" tobey were all introduced. wonderful. anyway, previous to introducing

The Kids Song - they asked each other who was left out of the polling that was done across the nation of canada .... at which point murray said that the people who find water with sticks, the dowzers, were left out. dave nodded and agreed, then informed us all that the reason they were left out was the fact that there are none left. hmm. good point. no, the nations young. they were left out. and we were clued in. do you realize that they actually went around the continent and took the babies we knew, as well as the toddlers we know, and said that they wanted to get a slice of life from their point of view? amazing. but you knew that. usual stuff. lots of funnies tho. "Is there something you like? Barney ... Is there something you despise? Barney...." ... "Do you have a gender bias?" mike: "my sister has three!" murray: "what?" mike: "my. sister. has. THREE!" murray: "i'm going to pound you at recess. _pound_ you. _POUND_ you. pound you." mike: " *quiver* my sexuality has multiplied!!" could someone please volunteer explain that joke to the rest of the crowd? (: anyway, the song ended to much applause and cheering. yum. they then said that earlier in the show they played us a couple new songs, and that now they were going to play a couple more. for those of you who have already heard

I Will Hold On - you know that it is quite the moving song. another great song headlining what will definitely turn out to be a very wicked awesome cool upcoming album of which i am anxiously waiting for. a very powerful song for me, for others that i am aware of, still enjoyable. i really enjoy jian's subject matter and he sings his songs so well. i was beginning to get anxious, however, because if they were so closely following the vancouver list of songs, it meant that

Half As Much - was next on the items up for bid on the price is right, and i was absolutely correct. ok, NOW we're talkin here folx. if i had to pick a favorite out of the four new songs they played both nights, that would have to be it. lyrics are great, music great, oh man. and the harmonizing is even more wonderful. definitely my favorite out of those four. and it hit a nerve with a lot of people when mike introduced it without a song title. he simply came out and said "we tour a lot. i miss my wife." .. some pause, then right into the song. *sigh* i still hear sympathetic and understand 'awww' sounds in my head from that. coming next was a brief description of their travels through white supremist united states. it was time for the song describing the

Michigan Militia - to make its appearance on the charts of that evening. still amazing to watch mike handle the regular singing parts and the megaphone parts all at once and in real short order. wow. still like that song. then again, i don't think there is a song of theirs that i really don't like, come ot think of it... well, maybe .... hmm, nope, not even that one. nope, i like them all. deal. as long as the banjo was still strapped to dave, an anti-food_hating public service announcement was made, and

Johnny Saucep'n - hit the stage in a flourish. it almost seemed faster than usual, and i got to see something that i missed the night before: dave's banjo playing at warp speed. holycow people. is there not a thing that he can't do wicked cool-like? (i saw jian breathe during the last part. neener) upcoming next was the a cappella version of

Gotta Get a Message to You - which still gives me those little goosebumps whenever i hear it. it was my favorite repeat track on live noise and still continues to make me go 'ahhhhhhhhhhhh' every time i hear it. oh fantastic. suddenly dave disappeared off stage, and stuff started to happen. people rearranged themselves on stage, mike took up behind the bongos, jian started addressing the audience about canadian currency ... well ... yes ... apparently they there are "Moxy Fruvous Inc" are vehemently anti-monarchy. they're sick and tired of seeing that woman's face on their money. except ... there appears to be one particular monarch that they have taken a liking to. when asked if we wanted to be introduced to this particular monarch, we were given a brief interrogation as to who it might be .... when, in reality, it turned out to really be "the introduction" ... consisting of a story of a guy who "is so smart, i just call him brainiac! the

King of Spain - !!." "...fairez, i'm not wearing underwear" with a very blatantly obvious readjusting of his pant garments was probably one of the high points of the performance. the second fruvous song i ever heard. yay! immediately following the end of this song was the departure of the king of spain, and drumbeats that could only mean that a story about

Green Eggs and Ham - was about to be told. another treat for the live show attendees which can only be had if you are in posession of the indie tape. of course, the short version of green eggs and ham is accompanied by a nice bass groove supplied by murray, and a whole lot of beatles banter. unfortunately, some of the details are starting to get a bit hazy so i'll leave this one up to mystery. the end of the set consisted of everyone's favorite

Love Potion #9 Medley - which included spirit of the west! if you could only see the look on sirilyan's face when he realized what they were doing both nights, and his comments about how jealous drea would be... barbie world, who will save your soul, love shack! (if only you knew the irony...) great medley. the crowd of course was going nuts by then screaming and shouting and begging for more and more and more, at which point a slow and low (that is the tempo?) groove started to make its presence known and jian had a few false starts here and there ... at this point, the maniacal look could only mean that

Psycho Killer - was about to be played. jian has this weeeeeeeeeeird look on his face when he does this. the song of course is great to listen to. and mike didn't break any strings, nor did he slice is hand, nor did he injure himself in any way shape or form this time! yay! no injuries. that's always fun. they leave the stage once more. silly boys. they're such a tease. screaming. shouting. cheering. that sort of thing. they finally came back to the stage amidst the screaming and shouting and thanked everyone for coming out to the show and promised again that they would be back within the year. well, that's certainly good news. afterwards, they mentioned that the closing song was on the live cd and that they liked to end their sets with it. the song was none other than

The Drinking Song - at which point sirilyan came back to get me (he'd been dancing in the back somewhere) and i joined him and the rest of the crowd on the dance floor for a few quiet moments of bliss at the end of a show. all the posts are right: the song means something different to everyone. it certainly does me. the song was beautiful, complete with audience singing (i guess there _were_ a lot of bargainville fans in victoria) and such. end of the song... what a night.

you know you're in a dance club when they say "give it up for moxy fruvous! moxy fruvous in the house!" ... erm ... something that just does not sound right about that sentence..

the show was over, doug meandered off somewhere to chill with some people he met there, i chatted briefly with cal, even more briefly with jian, almost got to chat with mike who was "coming back in 10 minutes" (*grin*) (dangit i had questions for him. hehe) and ended up talking lots to tobey and a girl named amber (who had her first show, was petrified to say hi to any one of the four guys, and was finally introduced when she acquired a set list to have autographed. oooooh the look on her face...) after a while of hanging out in the very very _loud_ dance club (sorry, just not my kind of place... the meat market thing never appealed to me (: ) doug and i took off to get back to the car, to the hostel, and to sleep.

unfortunately .... ohhhhhh boy. could someone look up way above and remind me where i parked? i knew i should have written it down. i knew it. i didn't. which involved probably .. what .. two hours of walking around victoria trying to find the blasted car. eventually, we found the one street we didn't see before, started walking along it, and i instantly knew that my car was parked there... having found it, we up and moved to the front of the hostel (had to move the car in the first place otherwise i would have been ticketed or towed after 6am) , hauled some belongings into the building, found out where we were assigned to sleep, and promptly crashed into deep and blissful sleep. at which point, i remembered once again that i left the white chocolate in the car.....

next time: round three: Central Saloon, jian swoons, and baby boom.

p.s. i'm sure i missed some stuff, and if doug would like to fill in any blanks that he remembers, i'd be more than willing to remember. (:

Thanks to George for these:
• Jian's setlist
• Mike on megaphone
• Dave plays bass
• Mike on megaphone...again
• King of Spain
• The end of the set

Some other tidbits from the performance include:

• Feel free to help contribute to this section!