Moxy Fruvous Lyrics Set #6
(Jazz version - from the 1997 fall tour)
[This version of the song usually begins with the guys all donning
derby hats, except for Mike, who's wearing a fedora. The guys all snap
their fingers to the beat, getting the audience to join in. Murray
starts the bass line.]
[Sometimes, Mike will just talk for a bit during the bass intro.]
[Mike makes various strange animal noises, most prominently a hoot
owl. Mike will do a call and response with the audience using these
sounds and whatever lines he makes up on the spot.]
(Mike)
I hear a hoot owl...
[What Mike sings here varies greatly.]
(Mike)
It's Boo Time
It's Boo Time
(Mike on Lead)
When every wanker's wound up tight,
frigid, fractious, and forthright,
the plebes plugged up with plebiscite,
Trim the trad, go troglodyte
(Mike)
It's Boo Time
(All)
Boo Time
(Mike)
(It's) Boo Time
(Mike)
When obligations grow obtuse,
New neckties nab you like a noose,
The clown, the cleric, the recluse
All crank the sluice on their caboose.
(All)
Something that you buried,
way down the estuary,
Sharp and incendiary,
locked in a box of lead I said.
(Bass and keyboard solo)
(Mike and Dave call and response)
[This usually consists of various scat lines, that
Mike sings and Dave repeats.]
(Mike and audience call and response)
[This usually consists of various scat lines, followed
by animal noises, and whatever else Mike feels like saying.]
(Mike's final improv line (repeated 4x))
[This is almost always something specific about
the town or venue that they're playing in at the time.]
(All)
Something that you buried,
way down the estuary,
Sharp and incendiary,
locked in a box of lead I said.
(Dave)
Well, it's not forbidden to be what you are.
Dip into that great big cookie jar.
(Mike)
where it's always Boo Time
(All)
Boo Time
(Mike)
(It's) Boo Time
(All)
Boo Time
(Mike)
(It's always) (I said it's) Boo Time
(All)
Boo Time
(Mike scat solo)
(Mike)
It's boo, it's boo, it's boo!
[The guys pretend to finish the song, wait a few seconds,
then end with a powerful instrumental outro]
(Full version - from the 1997 fall tour)
[There are many on-stage gestures during this song, obviously.
This only attempts to indicate the consistent and dramatic ones.
Quite often, Jian or Dave will just motion with their hands (like
in the line "here or there"). Those kind of inconsistent motions
are not listed here]
[In this version, the following people have the following
roles:
Murray: Narrator/storyteller
Jian: Sam I Am
Dave: Mr. Cheese
During the song, Mike is at the rear of the stage,
manning the congas.]
[Sometimes, Mike will come out first, and introduce Murray
onto the stage. The way in which he does this differs, and
varies from speaking of various authors (eventually, leading
up to an uproarious plug for Dr. Seuss), to a rap, to almost
anything that suits Mike's mood that night]
[Murray comes on stage during Mike's intro, donning a
shiny silver hat. He proceeds to introduce the lead
characters of the story]
[Murray's intro here differs widely; this is just a general take
on what he says]
(Murray)
Thank you.
Ladies and Gentlemen, young and old, able and infirm...
I come to bring you a story of biblical, or maybe
just titanic proportions.
Before anything happens, there's two things
you'll need to know to follow along with the action tonight.
And those two things are our two main, principal lead characters
on this stage tonight.
The first of whom is, to my immediate right and just out of bed...
[Mike comes to the front of the stage during Murray's intro.
Using hand motions and speaking to the crowd off-mic, he gives
a bunch of 'thumbs-down' and asks everyone to boo]
(Murray)
Let's give a big round of applause for Mr. Cheese!
[Dave comes out on stage, wearing a long robe/trenchcoat and
an "I Love Cops" hat. He acts surprised and bewildered at the
audience's reaction]
(Murray)
Mr. Cheese. The Cheese man.
Mr. Cheese is a friend of the politics of the Republicans.
[audience boos]
He is a fan of the music of the Spice Girls.
[audience boos]
And worst of all, he doesn't have cable.
[audience boos]
[Murray sometimes asks Dave how he's doing, and they will
have a short conversation]
(Murray)
The other! Local boy done good,
[Murray will say Sam is from the immediate area,
making a local reference]
the man who's actually a hologram,
[Once again, Mike comes to the front of the stage during
Murray's intro. Using hand motions and speaking to the crowd
off-mic, he makes a bunch of clapping motions and asks everyone
to cheer]
(Murray)
Let's have a big round of applause for
the one, the only,
Sam I Am!
Put your hands together!
[Jian comes out on stage, wearing a purple hat, and an orange
windbreaker. He dances briefly, basking in the audience's cheers]
[Murray coaxes the audience into chanting "Sam! Sam! Sam!"]
(Murray)
Sam here was stand-in pope from 1976 to 1979.
[Jian slightly bobs his arms and hands, in pope-esque style, and
swivels slowly, sweeping the crowd with his gaze. He speaks in an
interesting Italian/almost Russian accent]
(Jian)
El Salvador...
Guatemala...
Costa Rica...
Nicaragua...
Chile.
[Jian pauses briefly, then perks up again]
(Jian)
Abortion!
Contraception...
Yes... Free Love! Yes!
[Jian's comments here differ widely from show to show]
I remember free love, when I was 14, in Vatican,
with my sheep, so young and fresh, and I would look
down at him, and he would look up at me, with those sad eyes...
And also, when I was 15, free love with my beautiful, and wilted,
yet fresh, pumpkin!
And also, when I was 16, with... my... kiwi...
[The audience often groans at this point, and Jian stands there,
looking innocently out to the crowd, and with a look of confusion
to Murray]
(Murray)
This is the man you were cheering for...
(Murray)
Sam is a figure of mystery, no one knows his true
intentions, from whence he came, to what he is up, and this,
in a nutshell, is their story...
[Mike begins hitting the conga drums (quarter notes in 4/4, quick tempo)
and sings "Boodely-op-boo-bop-boo-baaa-ee-ya-baaa-ba-ba-baaa"]
[Murray joins in and harmonizes the same line]
(Mike speaks, in a funny voice)
Opening theme!
[The opening line is sung twice more, slightly building, during which
Dave and Jian have their backs to one another. They lean back onto one
another, holding each other up. With their heads slumped (as if sleeping),
they move up and down, making snoring and exhaling noises, following the
rhythm of the intro]
[The song begins]
(Murray)
Hey kids, listen up if you want to be sick
'Cause your dinner looks like something from a Cronenburg flick
Think twice before you cuss and shout
(All)
Damn! Damn! Damn!
(Murray)
Let me tell you a story about green eggs and ham,
this stuff.
There was a little yellow man called Sam-I-Am
[Jian & Dave separate; Jian looks suddenly awake]
(Jian)
That's me!
(Dave)
I don't like you, Sam-I-Am
(Jian)
Well, that's fine, that's cool, I understand
But do you like green eggs and ham?
(Dave)
I don't like green eggs and ham
No, I don't like 'em, Sam-I-Am
(Jian)
Would you like them here or there?
(Dave)
I wouldn't like them anywhere
'Cause I do not like them, Sam-I-Am
No, I don't like green eggs and ham
(Jian)
Would you like them in a house? Would you like them with a mouse?
(Dave)
Maybe you can't hear, you got something in your ear?
(Jian)
No!
(Dave)
I'm gonna make this perfectly clear
I would not like them in a house, I would not like them with a mouse
I would not like them here or there, I wouldn't like them anywhere
'Cause I do not like them, Sam-I-Am,
No no, not for me, green eggs and ham
[Jian looks confused]
(Jian)
Would you like them if I served them to you in a box
Candlelight, and wine and a red-headed fox?
[Jian and Murray crowd around Dave, trying to convince him]
(Murray speaking)
Yeah, a red-headed fox, some candlelight...
(Mike, speaking from the congas)
Bottle of Manischewitz...
(Dave)
Not in a box with a fox or a house with a mouse
Stop bugging me, you louse!
[The guys are extremely playful on stage, running around, pointing
at one another, etc]
I would not eat them, no, man, I don't like your green eggs and ham
(Jian)
Well, would you could you in a car, eat them, don't deny who you are
[Jian looks at the crowd with a big smile for the next two lines]
He's gonna like them, you're gonna see
You might like them up in a tree
(Dave)
No, not in a tree, not in a car, would you let me be
No box no fox no house no mouse, not here, there, or anywhere
Because you guessed it, I don't like green eggs and ham
I don't like 'em, Sam-I-Am
[Jian looks confused once more during Dave's lines]
(Jian)
A train, a train, a train, a train!
[Murray and Mike (and quite often the audience) will sing
"Woo! Woo!", imitating the sound of a train]
Would you, could you in a train
Or up in an aeroplane?
[Jian raises his arm, and does a swaying motion back and
forth during the following two lines]
How 'bout in the dark? We could drive and park
We could listen to the crickets and the pit bulls bark
(Dave)
No, not in a plane, not in the dark,
not on a train, not in a car, not up a tree
'Cause I don't like 'em, Sam, see,
Not in a schoolhouse
(rest)
schoolhouse!
(Dave)
or a shoebox
(rest)
shoebox!
with a house-mouse
(rest)
house-mouse!
or a red fox
(rest)
red fox!
(Dave)
Not here, there, and everywhere
Didn't even like the Beatles with their long, long hair.
[During Dave's lines, Jian goes to the other side of stage,
disgusted. He pretends to talk to a particular audience member,
expressing his anger towards Dave. He then hears Dave slag the Beatles,
perks up, and turns towards Dave. Everyone on stage freezes.]
(Jian stops suddenly and points at Dave)
Hey! Not the Beatles!
[Jian's ribbing of Dave changes greatly from show to show. He will
often say, "This is [city/state/province]. There's a lot of left over
hippies here and stuff. People get upset. You've slagged the Beatles."]
[Quite often, Jian will say, "The Beatles wrote a lot of classic songs."
Murray, Jian, and Mike proceed to name off a bunch of tunes that were not
written by the Beatles]
[Sometimes, Dave will acquiesce, and retract his statement]
(Jian)
You don't like green eggs and ham!
(Dave)
Oh, Mr. Perception, Sam-I-Am
[The congas and the song resumes]
(Jian)
Well I know that you'd like 'em if you ate 'em with a goat!
(Dave)
I would not could not with a goat
(Jian)
Well would you could you on a boat
(Dave)
I would not could not on a boat
And I will not never with a goat
[During the following two lines, Dave slowly spins his
fast around, winding it up as if he's going to punch someone.
When he says the word "pain", he goes to punch Jian, who
steps back quickly, with a surprised look on his face]
I'm not interested in stuffing face in the rain,
on a train, I should introduce you to my friend *pain*!
Not in the dark, not up a tree,
Not on your fine china with Earl Grey Tea
No boxes, foxes, houses, mouses, husbands and wives - no spouses!
[Jian waves out into the crowd at the "no spouses" line]
Why you trying to make me eat that?
I don't like it, I wouldn't feed it to my cat
I said already, I don't like them, Sam-I-Am,
I do not like green eggs ham!
(Jian)
Mr. Cheese! You just think you don't like them, so you say
And he's beginning to remind me of Doris Day
[Mike, in the back, sings "Que Sera!" during the "Doris Day" line]
You say you don't like this and you don't like that
Well you're starting to sound like a finicky cat
Just try them, try them, and you may find you like nothing better than
Two greenish eggs over easy in the fry-pan
[Murray takes his silver hat off, so Jian can drop the ball (or whatever
prop they choose that night to represent GE&H) into it. Right when
"fry-pan" is said, Murray makes a "sssss" sound]
And to accompany this fine taste we have Martian ham - pork from space!
(Dave)
Sam, if you get out of my face
I'll try that and puke all over the place
(rest yelling)
Good!
(Dave)
Nothing makes a crowd disperse more quick
Than a great big puddle of sick!
[Mike stops playing the congas.
Murray gets on his knees, presenting the hat to Dave]
(Murray)
Your green eggs and ham, sir. I added a little aregano...
(Mike, in a high pitched voice)
Get back!
[Murray and Jian run away, joining Mike by the congas. They crouch
down, worried at what is about to happen]
[Jian starts everyone chanting "He's gonna try them!"]
[Dave looks reluctantly at the ball, pinches his nose, and with
a sour look on his face, he pretends to eat the green eggs and ham]
[Right when Dave takes his first, big bite, the rest of the guys
all scream "Ohh!" in disgust]
(Jian)
Gross!
(Mike)
He's gonna spew chunks!
(Dave)
Say...
[Dave takes another bite]
(Dave)
Say!
(Mike, speaking or singing from the congas in a funny, high-pitched voice)
That's French! -OR- Everybody Dance Now!
(Dave)
Not bad!
[Mike resumes the congas]
Green eggs and ham
I believe I like them, Sam-I-Am
[At the start of the following line, the rest of the guys do
a funny dance in the background]
And I'd eat them in a boat, with a billy goat,
I'd eat them in the rain in the dark on a train
In a car, up a tree, they're pretty good, you see
[The guys yell "Woo!" in a syncopated rhythm during the following lines]
So I'd eat them in a box with a fox
I'd eat them in a house and with the house-mouse
I'd eat them here, I'd eat them there
I'd eat them in my Fruit-of-the-Loom underwear
I think you're ok, Sam-I-Am
(Jian)
Well, I wouldn't let you down, you stubborn old man!
(Dave)
Well, we should share them, eh, we got enough
[Jian stops, looking at the ball that Dave is presenting him.
He looks as if he wants to try it, but he's not really sure if
he should. Sometimes, he looks out to the crowd with the same
look of concern]
(Jian, still looking hesitant about trying)
Are you kidding? I don't eat that stuff!
[The guys all slump to the floor, with their legs raised in the air]
(from the 1997 fall tour)
[The famous tune to a hard-rock groove]
[The lights usually come down a bit, and the guys
may wear sunglasses for this one]
[Usually, some instrumental intro starts the tune,
including a lot of guitar feedback. Jian's click
of the drum sticks begins the tune.]
(Dave)
Royalty, lord it looked good on me
Buried in silk in the royal boudoir or going nuclear free
Or playing Crokinole with the Princess of Monaco
Telling my jokes to the OPEC leaders, getting it all on video
(Dave) (rest)
Once I was the King of Spain Now I eat humble pie
I'm telling you I was the King of Spain
(rest)
Once he was the King of Spain
(Dave)
I can't wait, I'm lowering interest rates, my people say
(short guitar solo)
(Dave)
It's laissez-faire, I don't even give a care
Let's make Friday part of the weekend
And give every new baby a chocolate eclair
[Dave will sometimes change the second chorus, usually
picking from the following two:]
(Dave) (rest)
Once I was the King of Spain Now I eat humble pie
A palatial palace, that was my home Now I eat humble pie
I'm telling you I was the King of Spain Now I eat humble pie
And now I vacuum the turf at SkyDome
OR
(Dave) (rest)
Once I was the King of Spain Now I eat humble pie
Hey Clinton! Hey Yeltsin!
Got problems? You phone me Now I eat humble pie
I'm telling you I was the King of Spain Now I eat humble pie
Now the Leafs call me up to drive the Zamboni
[Dave often changes the name of the hockey
team to fit the town the band is playing in]
(rest)
Once he was the King of Spain
(long guitar solo)
(Dave speaking)
You see late one night when the palace was asleep
Out of my royal chambers and into the garden I creep
And I wait till the appointed time, when the moon is lighting the pitch
At which point my peasant friend, who looks just like me
Arrives, we make switch!
(All, w/ heads banging)
Prince and pauper, junior and whopper
World made up of silver and copper
(Dave)
Under my own volition, I took a change of position
(Dave) (rest)
Once I was the King of Spain Now I eat humble pie
I was looking for off-handed ways to improve us Now I eat humble pie
I'm telling you I was the King of Spain Now I eat humble pie
And now I'm jamming with Moxy Früvous!
(rest)
Once he was the King of Spain...
(A Cappella version - from the 1997 fall tour)
[This version begins with the guys snapping their fingers
to the tempo of the song, getting the audience to join in.]
(All)
Ooo. Ooo. Ooo. Ooo.
(Jian on lead)
Well, the preacher turned to me
and he smiled.
He said, "Come and walk with me,
come and walk one more mile."
Now, for once in your life, you're alone,
and you ain't got a dime.
There's no time for the phone.
(All)
I've just gotta get a message to you.
Hold on. Hold on.
One more hour and my life will be through.
Hold On. Hold on.
(Jian, w/ audience clapping along)
I told him I'm in no hurry,
and if I broke her heart,
then please tell her I'm sorry.
Now for once in my life I'm alone,
but I've gotta let her know,
one more time before I go.
(All)
I've just gotta get a message to you.
Hold on. Hold on.
One more hour and my life will be through.
Hold On. Hold on......
(Dave sings a psuedo-trumpet solo)
(All four sing a psuedo-trumpet solo)
(Jian, w/ audience snapping along)
Well, I laughed, but that didn't hurt,
and it's only her love
that keeps me wearing this smirk.
Now I'm crying, but deep down inside,
I did it to him, now it's my turn to die.
(All, w/ audience clapping along)
I've just gotta get a message to you.
Hold on. Hold on.
One more hour and my life will be through.
Hold On. Hold on.
(All - key change)
I've just gotta get a message to you.
Hold on. Hold on.
One more hour and my life will be through.
Hold On. Hold on..........
(from the 1997 fall tour)
[This version of the song usually begins with Jian asking,
"How many people have a stereo that rocks? How many people
would like to have a stereo that rocks? How many people would
just cheer for 'stereo that rocks'?"]
[The shake of the shaker starts the tune]
(All)
Fa dee bop, Fa dee bop, Fa dee bop, Fa dee bop...
(Jian)
Ba da da da da da da...
Wop ba ba ba ba...
(Jian)
I have a life of pleasure
I am submerged in armchair leisure
I put my feet on the ottoman
[Jian raises his leg, displaying his foot to the audience]
(All)
Empire!
(Jian)
Here in a world of turmoil
I have my comfort in control
And the answer's reclining
(All)
It's obvious!
[Jian usually waves to the crowd when he
sings the second line of the following chorus]
(Jian) (rest)
Here I sit and here I say the lazy boy
"Hello to U.S.A. today!" the lazy boy
Dollywood and Billy Ray the lazy boy
A place to pass the time away
(All)
The lazy boy!
(Jian)
Ba da da da da da da...
Wop ba ba ba ba...
(Jian)
Here I keep tabs on Euro-stocks
I have a stereo that rocks!
[Jian points his mic to the crowd, which
will usually cheer]
(Jian)
And I take calls in the bathtub
(All)
It's cellular!
[Jian puts his phone shaped hand to his ear]
(Jian)
There is a console to my right
With reruns of Charlie's Angels every night
I can't keep track of the blond one
(All)
The third one!
(Jian) (rest)
Here I sit and here I say the lazy boy
"Hello to U.S.A. today!" the lazy boy
Dollywood and Billy Ray the lazy boy
A place to pass the time away
(All)
The lazy boy!
(Jian speaking, with the guys slowing joining in)
At the end of the day it's the chair I trust
The cushion is comfy and the works don't rust
With a straight line of vision to my Elvis bust
Watch the kingdom, eat the bread crust
Fine all the time is the way I feel
Cracking the code of the "Let's make a deal!"
I can change my world 'cause my boy's on wheels
Improve your lifestyle, you must get real!
[At this point in the album version of the song,
there is a bar of congo drums; in the live version,
there is silence, or sometimes the word "real"
repeating via a delay effect]
(Jian)
Ba da da da da da da...
(Jian, speaking)
Oooo, deeper, deeper...
(Jian)
I was a down and out Canuck
Now I have put my faith in lazy luck
Since they removed all the barriers
(All)
49th parallel!
(Jian) (rest)
Here I sit and here I say the lazy boy
"Hello to U.S.A. today!" the lazy boy
Dollywood and Billy Ray the lazy boy
A place to pass the time away the lazy boy
(Jian - key change) (rest)
Here I sit and here I say the lazy boy
"Hello to U.S.A. today!" the lazy boy
Dollywood and Billy Ray the lazy boy
A place to pass the time away
(All)
The lazy boy!
(Slow version - from the 1997 fall tour)
[This version of the song usually begins with the guys
discussing a radio station that they get in Toronto, called
'WLUV'. It's the place they turn to for help with love,
sex, and relationships. They sing the theme for WLUV.]
(All four sing)
Where love talk is neat,
confidential, discreet,
it's WLUV.
(Mike)
The Love Lines are open talking about love, sex, and
relationships with your host, Troy Thomas.
(Murray, pretending to be a radio talk show host, and
speaking quite deeply)
Hi, this is Troy Thomas, and we're talking about love,
sex, and relationships on WLUV. The phone lines are open,
I think our first caller is Tim. Tim, go ahead...
(Jian, as Tim, acting quite nervous)
Hello, Troy?
(Murray)
Yes Tim?
(Jian)
Hi Troy, first time caller. Ya see, I have this
problem with my ex-girlfriend...
(Murray cuts Jian off)
Right, right. A lot of our male callers phone in with this problem
and what I always say is masturbate before you date,
and that will allow you last a little longer with
that special someone.
(Jian)
No, that's not the problem.
(Murray)
Oh! Then, what's your question?
(Jian)
Well, I had this girlfriend, and she was really great,
and...
(Murray)
Tim, what's your question for me, Tim?
(Jian)
Anyway, we were like allies. We went to school together,
politically, and everything was really cool. And now, she's
like dating this guy, and he's this totally materialistic, ladder
climbing, careerist and rich, and an asshole!
(Murray)
Tim!
(Jian)
Troy?
(Murray)
Tim...
(Jian)
Troy?
(Murray)
Tim, if she were here right now...
[Dave begins strumming the guitar]
(Jian)
Yeah, but she's not here...
(Murray)
Wait...Tim. If she were here right now, what would
you say to her?
[The song begins]
(Jian)
Well, it was me, you, and Jacko
and your new buddy Tacco
(rest)
No cause for alarm,
about the flag on his arm.
(Jian)
You said the politics matter,
but we're all getting fatter.
(rest)
You'll take what you get,
from this Republican vet.
(Jian)
Well, have you really changed
that much since school?
when any Nazi couldn't swim in your pool?
Your new boyfriend's a bit
(All)
of a right wing shit.
(Jian, w/ audience clapping along)
We gave the finger to Sony,
and threw macaroni.
(rest)
When we first kissed,
and Mulroney was pissed.
(Jian)
You said that you would never end up,
with a Goldwater send-up
(rest)
Well that's what you said,
when we were both in debt.
(Jian)
Well, have you really changed
that much since school?
when any Nazi couldn't swim in your pool?
(All)
Your new boyfriend's a bit
of a right wing shit.
(All, singing to the tune of 'Sing a Song')
La la la la la, la la la la la la
La la la la la la la...
(Mike)
Sing,
sing a song,
(he was)-(the new guy's) rich,
but Tim be strong.
(All)
Don't worry that you're not good enough,
'cause you've got a crap career!
(Mike)
Just sing...
(All)
He's a right wing shit!
(All, w/ audience clapping along)
Well, have you really changed
that much since school?
when any Nazi couldn't swim in your pool?
You've just got to admit
(All)
he's a right wing shit!
(Jian speaking)
Everybody!
(All)
he's a right wing shit!
(Jian speaking)
One person can make a difference!
(All)
he's a right wing shit!
(Jian speaking)
Sing it together!
(All)
he's a right wing shit!
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